


Despairing months

by GuitarMan



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Betrayal, Calm down because not everything is sad in this fanfic... I think, Feels, Gen, Isolation, Love/Hate, Regret, Reunions, Spoilers, Trauma, Violence, post arc 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29138001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuitarMan/pseuds/GuitarMan
Summary: So this is it?I'm trapped aren't i.....Fuck...Did they really forgot me?I see... So i'm really alone now...
Comments: 101
Kudos: 165





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Fan fiction! Yeeeey
> 
> Inspired by "Re:Forgotten" -- Youtoberz //  
> "The Broken Child" -- MightBeADuck

When they opened the door they immediately perceived the putrid smell that the cell was giving:

It smelled like loneliness;

Its smelled like iron;

Its smelled like _death_ …

“H-Hey Subaru?” Emilia shyly said while entering the ominous cell. Its was just when her eyes got used to the dark environment that she was truly able to comprehend the situation… At that moment she felt her heart crumble on itself, for the first time in her life she saw what was the closest “personification” of regret.

They all did.

They saw the man that was once their friend, they saw the man that was perceived as a hero for a lot of people, they saw what was once a proud knight, the only knight truly bold enough to show his loyalty to a half-demon.

The group saw what were the only hope to a better future, the only hope for forgiveness…

“H-Hi Subaru, it has been such a long ti-”

“-And then Beatrice, you will use this equation to solve the puzzle ok? It is pretty simple actually, quadratic functions is the kind of stuff that you learn when you are still young after all…”

[.]

[.]

[.]

_“Huh?”_

_“But I’m right here, I suppose”_

_“Subaru-kun…”_

_“No…”_

They were all confused at what they were seeing, the self-proclaimed knight was on the ground, looking at the floor stones with hollowed eyes, talking to himself while referring to people that wasn’t there until now. He was apparently writing weird stuff all over the place where they were standing, so it wasn’t just the floor that was covered with strange inscriptions… The walls, the furniture and even the ceiling were covered with what appeared to be some sort of glyphs, numbers to be specific…

With blood.

_HIS_ blood.

“So Beako, the basic idea is that you can use those types of functions to represent graphs and stuff, and like I explained before, you can use graphs for a lot of things, like to organize data for future analysis… It’s pretty useful actually…”

_"What is this man doing?"_ Ram thought

“Wait wait wait, Subaru-kun what are you doing? You are looking at the wrong direction, see? We’re right here, look! Even your dear Rem is here too! I woke up my hero, isn’t that wonderful?”

While saying that Rem moved closer to the boy and tried to touch his shoulder, only to be stopped by a woman-looking Demi-human knight:

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you Rem-san, you won’t be able to reach him…” Felix said while holding Rem’s hand in the air, dejectedly looking at the ground, with immense guilt in his eyes

“What are you talking about? He is right here, I’M right here, why shouldn’t I touch the one that I love the most and hold dear in my heart?!” Struggling free of Felix grip, Rem proceeded to touch Subaru while he was on the ground…

“Hello Subaru-kun, your lovely Rem came b-“

“NO! NO PLEASE I SWEAR I’M NOT ONE OF THEM!!” His body started to shake uncontrollably under Rem’s hand, his eyes franticly darting from one person to another, searching for anyone that could help him, only to find those who abandoned him… Only to find those who decided months ago that he deserved to be punished for things he didn’t do, to be **tortured** for information he didn't have

He struggled and forced his way out of her grip.

“Wait Subaru-kun! It’s ok see?! I’m finally here can’t yo- “

“NO PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!! I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HEAL HER PLEASE!!!!”

“What?” Rem said in a worried and frantic tone

“I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HEAL CRUSCH!!!” Rem froze while looking into her hero's eyes.. Filled with pain, fear oozing from all of his body.

But something was wrong…

They all noticed that something else was wrong with their “friend” …

Slowly Subaru stopped shaking;

Slowly Subaru turned his head to the lower part of his body…

What once was _fear_ became _**despair** …_

His legs…

His legs were…

His legs were unmoving?

“ _W-wait what? W-why do they don’t move? Even though I’m…_

_no…_

_No…_

_This can’t be happening …_

**NO!** ”

With a punch uncharacteristic of a weak and frail man, Subaru hit his own legs, trying to wake them up, over, and over, and over again…

Little did he know that his legs were never going to move again, he didn’t even feel pain anymore.

**“WHY ARE YOU NOT MOVING?!? HAD YOU LEFT ME TOO?!? WHY DON’T YOU WORK?!?!? FUUUUUUUUCCKKKKK!!!!!!”**

The group froze at the scream, they never heard someone bearing such strong emotions before.

That scream was filled with more then 6 months of despair…

Filled with more then 6 months of pain…

Filled with more than 6 months of **loneliness** …

“Subaru- _kyun_ , please kindly sleep for _nyow...”_ And just when the cat knight laid his hands on the broken boy his world faded out of view, everything turned black


	2. "The Talk" [pt1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rem begins to finally understand the complexity of the situation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's me again,
> 
> I decided to add another chapter for the people that were asking for more hahaha
> 
> I sincerely wish you all a great and happy day, oh and of course, a nice reading time! :D
> 
> If you have any criticism feel free to write it down in the comment section, i will certainly read it!

In a large room, 5 people could be seen sitting around a big rectangular table, Rem and the Great Spirit Beatrice were at the left side of the furniture, sitting right across them were Ram and Emilia, the room was filled with beautiful ornaments, from unused golden candlesticks to a luxurious chandelier at the ceiling that was responsible for bringing light to the dark environment, everything in that place screamed nobility, Felix was sitting at a lone chair near the balcony that was blocked by a pair of big green curtains.

The healer had four pairs of eyes locked on him, waiting for the time where he would explain the scene that they saw in a certain cell about half an hour ago…

[Ram]: …So? Will you do us all a favor and hurry up? I can’t possibly wait all night for a _simple_ explanation.

[Emilia]: Ram please be gentle! It is obviously a hard topic for Felix, he should take his time to-

[Rem]: No Emilia-sama, Nee-sama is right, although I respect Felix-sama wishes to take his time to talk to us, I need an explanation as soon as possible, I’m starting to get worried about Subaru-kun… He didn’t have his normal vibrant and sharp eyes, his eyes seemed to be fully hollowed, totally devoid of light…

_“It was like he was just a husk that resembles what once was my contractor, I suppose…”_ The Spirit thought while still looking at the same spot she had been staring for the last 30 minutes.

_“I know that our contract is still intact, so maybe I’ll be able to talk to him…? No… that is foolishness, Subaru probably hates me by now, doesn’t he? I failed yet again…”_ The Child-like spirit wept at the thought…

[Rem]: ‘ _Beatrice-sama…’_

[Felix]: It’s okay… I was just thinking about some stuff haha… Rem, I believe that your friends did tell you about the stuff that happened in this past year am I right?

[Rem]: Yes, when I woke up I was inside the carriage with everyone, we were already arriving in Lugnica… Nee-sama told me that after the whale fight I was attacked by 2 Witch-Cult Archbishops, “greed” and “gluttony”, the latter being responsible for “eating” my memories or something like that. She said that Crusch-sama was attacked too, but since Gluttony was killed at the Sage’s Watchtower, she would be safe, and she also told me that everybody tried to help us in some way or another! Isn’t that amazing? Hahaha

**_Nee-sama also said that Subaru-kun was in Lugnica and that he helped a lot too!_ **

**_She kept saying that after everybody forgot me, he was the only one that constantly visited me and talked to me!_ **

**_My hero is so amazing! He must have done a lot of friends and allies, didn’t he? Hahaha_ **

****

Silence…..

That was the only thing persisting in the room at that moment…

[Felix]: Rem-san…

[Rem]: …Yes?

[Felix]: …Subaru was also attacked by Gluttony.

[Rem]: W-wait what? But how is that possible? You guys worked with him, didn’t you? _Weren’t you able to remember him too?! **Sis even said that you all worked together, isn’t that right sis?!**_

At that moment Emilia covered her mouth with her hands, trying to keep her emotions in check, failing miserably at the process, loudly sobbing in front of everyone.

Ram just closed her eyes, trying to hide her guilt, only to fail and show her regret with non-stop running tears.

Beatrice hugged her own legs, as if trying to trap herself in her own world, trying to forget her own failure as a contracted spirit…

_“Betty failed…”_

_“Betty failed again…”_

_“I’m so sorry Subaru…”_

_“I’m so sorry…. Mother”_

[Rem]: What is going on? Please help me understand!

Rem just couldn’t understand what was happening at that moment, she had lost more than one year of their precious friends lives, what could have happened to impact them this much…?

_“Why are they all crying? Did I say something wrong? What’s happening here...?”_

[Felix]: _…...Sigh._ Rem-san, I believe your sister didn’t told you about all the stuff that happened while you were in a “coma" ... Probably to protect you...

You see, she didn’t lie about those stuff… But she didn’t tell you the whole truth either…

[Rem]: What do you mean?

[Felix]: After the Gluttony incident, _a lot_ of things happened, while our camp was focused solely on recovering our Lady’s memories, Emilia’s camp had certain things to take care of first, I’m pretty sure that when you “vanished” from the world’s memories, the main person affected in your camp was Subaru…

[Emilia]: Rem-san, due to an emergency, we had to go to the Sanctuary…

_“Wait, the Sanctuary…?”_

[Ram]: Roswall had a plan that involved freeing the people that lived there, but his plan involved **a lot** of people getting hurt or killed…

[Beatrice]: Not only the people that lived in the Sanctuary were in danger, but Betty, Frederica, a new maid called Petra, everyone in Irlam and you too would’ve died...

That _stupid_ clown contracted assassins to kill everyone that lived both in the mansion and in Irlam, not only that, he was going to lure the Great Rabbit to kill everyone in the sanctuary, in fact.

_“R-Roswall did **what** …?”_

[Beatrice]: But…

[Emilia]: But Subaru saved us all… I was supposed to finish the trials at the Sanctuary’s tomb, but I was pathetic and weak… So Subaru saved me from myself, I was weak without Puck, and thanks to him I was able to become strong…

_I was able to become mature._

Emilia bawled her trembling hands into fists and Rem noticed that.

[Ram]: He was able to change everyone in just a few days, he helped Emilia see that she was capable of believing in herself, he saved Roswall from being the Witch of Greed’s puppet, he helped Garfiel overcome his fear of the outside world…

Ram had an almost imperceptible sad tone to her voice, but Rem heard it.

[Beatrice]: …And he contracted Betty, I suppose. Saving me after I went through 400 years of suffering, In fact.

Beatrice grabbed her dress's hem, almost tearing it apart… Rem stared at the Shell-shocked spirit.

She simply couldn’t understand.

[Rem]: BUT THIS DOESN’T ADD UP!! Everything you all said until now are GOOD things! How is that making you cry?! Why does Subaru-kun looks so broken now?! WHY WAS HE IN A CELL FOR OD’S SAKE?!

[Emilia]: Everything that we said until now WERE good things that happened, everything was fine, until _that_ happened…

[Rem]: Until what happened?

[Beatrice]: Until **Priestella** happened, I suppose.

_“What could possibly have happened in Priestella that affected my hero THAT much?”_

[Ram]: Sister, Anastasia-sama invited every camp to Priestella to discuss some themes that she labeled as important at that moment...

[Emilia]: And I thought that I would find a new Pyroxene crystal to recontract Puck.

[Beatrice]: But then, the witch cult attacked…

Rem gasped at the information that was just thrown in her mind a couple of seconds ago, she felt complex emotions arise in her chest, she felt an intense rage building up, but most importantly, **she felt fear.**

[Emilia]: Regulus Corneas, the sin archbishop of greed _kidnaped_ me.

_“Regulus Corneas...? Wasn’t that one of the cultists that attacked me?!”_

Seeing Emilia’s pained expression, Rem felt tears building up in her eyes…

[Emilia]: The city suffered a raid from _Sirius_ , the sin archbishop of Wrath, _Capella Emerada Lugnica_ , the sin archbishop of Lust and **_Lye Batenkaitos, the sin archbishop of Gluttony_** _…_

[Rem]: T-This is a lie! It must be a lie! It is already hard enough to survive an attack from just one of them!! I’ve fought them myself, I know what I’m talking about! Everyone should have died in that attack!! What saved y-

It was at that moment that Rem found the answer she so desperately searched…

[Rem]: No…

She looked at the four people that were in the same room as her…

And all of them were crying.

[Felix]: “T-That’s right Rem ... _sob..._ S-Subaru was able to understand their power ... _sob_..., it was thanks to him that we’re here today, and when we all thought that the battle was over, Subaru was attacked by none other than Gluttony himself…”

Her knees lost all strength…

Rem collapsed into the ground...

And screamed.

No one had the courage to look at the maid. Her scream clearly asked for help, she cried tears that asked for HOPE, but no one, not even her dear sister came to rescue her…

Because they knew that what they were going to say next was much, _much_ worse.

[Beatrice]: “A-And t-than, when I s-saw Subaru walking back in our direction…

When I saw that he was getting closer to us…

When I smelled him…”

**Rem stopped crying.**

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Preparing for the worse, the child pointed her hand at the walking threat that had the form of a human boy_

_[??]: “STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, YOU FILTHY PIG! ONE MORE STEP AND YOU WILL BE MEETING THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS!!”_

_[???]: “What are you doing Beako? The battle is already over, you can drop the tough act now hahaha”_

_[Beatrice]: EL MINYA!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THEN WE ADD A CLIFFHANGER MUAHAHAHAHA
> 
> WHEN WILL I UPDATE?!?!  
> (add joker laugh)
> 
> -Guitarman out-


	3. "What once was..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's me again!!
> 
> This specific chapter was heavily inspired from Youtuberz work! If you are liking my story so far you should definitely check his out, it is a much MUCH better story than mine!!

**\--- Reinhard POV ---**

**"** After the battle with Regulus, the sin archbishop of Greed, I decided to part ways with Lady Emilia and S*****, I was required to help the other battlefields. Wait… wasn’t I alone with lady Emilia at the time? Now that I think about it, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, why would I get separated from the specific person I was trying to save...?

Was I battling Regulus with someone?

How was I able to win after all? Did Lady Emilia found a way to nullify his power by herself?

Why does everything look so cloudy right now?

Am I… Crying…?

Well, I think I shouldn’t be focusing too much on a battle that already happened… I’ll probably reunite with the others soon, I need to check on Lady Felt’s safety in a couple of minutes."

[.]

[.]

[.]

I was back at the “HQ” (I don’t really know what that is but I have the impression that someone important named the place this way because it represented the base of our operations, it was probably Felt-sama, her imagination is really vast after all hahaha), I was mentally exhausted after my father tried to hold Lady Felt as a hostage to selfishly make me protect him, thankfully I was able to help her with the cooperation of Otto but i'm still on edge. Even after the battle against the archbishop Regulus Corneas i'm still troubled about my Lady's safety. Nevertheless, I still had work to do, people were despairing all around the city.

The first thing I noticed was that even if we won the battle, we suffered great losses, we discovered that gluttony was apparently in Priestella too, I’ve received reports claiming that a big battle against gluttony was held some time ago, where a lot of people got under the influence of his power.

A man named _Julius_ claimed to be Lady Anastasia's knight, he also alleged that Gluttony's power was quite similar to the whale’s fog, wherein a person could have their name/memories eaten, and therefore forgotten, and that he, too, was under its influences.

We should check the claim’s veracity in a while… But for some reason I feel _strange_ when I look at his face.

Anyways, now that we have even more things to care of, we have to set priorities in order to declare that our operation is finally finished, we still need to check the well-being of everybody located at the city-bunkers…

But right before I left the “HQ”, I noticed a really distraught spirit rushing outside of the building… it was Beatrice-sama, why was she acting so strange?

_“I should follow her, if something is making her uncomfortable I should help… right?”_

“EL MINYA!”

What was that?! Did I just hear someone chanting a spell?

Are there more witch cultists in the city?!

I ran

_"Where did it come from?!"_

And ran

_"WHERE DID THE SPELL COME FROM?!"_

All around me were collapsed and blazing buildings, the battle took more from us than expected... It was at that moment that i noticed... We didn't won, did we? this wasn't our victory, we clearly lost...

_Separated families, crying mothers, despairing children all around the place..._

_"We clearly lost... even if i managed to kill Greed, that woman shall never see her son again, that man's daughter will not revi_ _ve, that boy's parents will never look him in the eyes again..."_

So i ran, just like the failure of a hero i am...

Until I understood what really was going on…

[???]: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, IT’S ME, CAN’T YOU SEE?!

[Beatrice]: Don’t even bother, you silly animal! Your petty lies won’t take you too far! YOU. WON’T. FOOL. ME! Do you understand?

_“Did Beatrice encoutered a furtive foe...?”_ Reinhard prepared for the worst-case scenario, where he would need to intervene on the imminent battle.

[???]: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING BEATRICE?! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!! I’M NOT A WITCH CULTIST!!

[Beatrice]: THAN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN YOUR DISGUSTING SMELL, I SUPPOSE?!

[???]: I-

[Beatrice]: ENOUGH BLABBERING!

[???]: Beako…

[Beatrice]: You don’t need to fret, your death shall be painless. Now, I wish you a nice trip… _“Natsuki Subaru”_

[Subaru]: …

Subaru breathed in and out, everything that the two of them went through simply vanished… He just accepted his fate, _Natsuki Subaru_ closed his eyes.

_Natsuki Subaru was already a dead man after all… A person that **had already died** , and that now, on his deathbed, wasn’t remembered at all… _

**_*FUSHHHH*_ **

**_*CLANNNK*_ **

****

****

[Beatrice]: What do you think you are doing?

Subaru slowly opened his eyes only to notice that the deadly shadow crystals were shattered and scattered all over the ground, who could have possibly stopped his punishment from happening…?

[Beatrice]: Do you even know what you’ve done… _Sword Saint?_

Subaru’s eyes were as wide as possible, but he still couldn’t see very well.

His tears were in the way.

**Natsuki Subaru, the useless and forgotten knight, cried.**

[Reinhard]: I’m sorry Great Spirit-sama, I’m well aware of my actions, but I’m afraid I can’t let you kill this man.

[Beatrice]: And why not, I suppose? I don’t think you understand the kind of situation we’re in, _Astrea_.

[Reinhard]: I agree with you, I don’t understand, so would you mind clarifying the exact reason for a Great Spirit to be attacking a civil for me?

Right in front of Subaru, Reinhard had an apparent frown in his face, he was serious, Reinhard was already prepared to fight the child-looking Spirit, given the fact that his hand was laying on his sword’s hilt… The _Dragon Sword’s_ hilt.

_“After all this time, will I need to use the sword again? On top of all, against a dear friend? Come on Beatrice-sama, just give me a reason, it could be anything please… I don’t want to fight you.”_

[Beatrice]: …

[Reinhard]: Well?

[Beatrice]: He reeks of Miasma, I suppose. Unbearably so, even more than the archbishops themselves, in fact. Do you need any other reason, _stupid child_?

[Reinhard]: I see, and how do you plead… umm-

[Beatrice]: - _Natsuki Subaru_

[Reinhard]: Yes, thank you Lady Beatrice… And how do you plead Mister Natsuki?

The red-haired knight turned around to directly face the black-haired boy, he had a solemn and stern expression, yet, for some reason, a gentle look, like he was pleading for the crying boy to show any evidence that he was a nice person, like he didn’t want to shed any more blood than he already did.

Indeed, a quite ironic view: _a knight that had just killed a sin archbishop, and yet that didn't want to fight._

[Subaru]: I’M NOT ONE OF THEM …sob…, I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU, BEATRICE, THE SAME THING THIS WHOLE TIME! …sob…

[Reinhard]: Well Mr.Natsuki, to prove your point you should at least show a proof that she is in fact wrong, isn’t that right?

_“Come on, you need to let me help you Mr.Natsuki, I know that you’re not lying thanks to my Divine protection of Wind indication, but you still need to show a concrete proof. Come on…”_

[Reinhard]: So?

[Subaru]: I’m supposed to be your friend, you need to trust me! I’m Emilia’s Knight!

[Beatrice]: Lies, in fact! Emilia doesn’t have any personal knight, _cultist_. I’ve been contracted to her for almost a year yet I’ve never heard of you!

[Subaru]: YOU’VE BEEN CONTRACTED TO ME FOR ALMOST A YEAR! I’VE BEEN ATTACKED BY LYE BATTENKAITOS, HE ATE MY NAME!! WHY CAN’T YOU BELIEVE ME!!!!

[Beatrice]: BECAUSE YOU ARE LYING!!

Every word Beatrice said was piercing through the lonely knight’s heart like sharp daggers, each and every second he became more and more afraid of losing everything he had put so much effort on building. Subaru was afraid of breaking the relationships he cherished.

**_Subaru was afraid._ **

_“How could I be so careless”_

_“How could I be so weak”_

_“…How could I be so useless”_

Each thought made Subaru self-worth diminish, each thought added tears that his eyes made sure to spill out, leaving a thin line of water on his face that marked him as a guilty person for Beatrice.

[Subaru]: …I-I’m not lying Beatrice …sob… y-you need to trust me, please… after puck left Emilia in the sanctuary, I tried my best to make her happy …sob… I swear.

_“Oh, so he knows about puck, I suppose. I guess his Gospel really **tried** to give him an advantage on the situation to deceive us… Well… too bad, isn’t it?” _Beatrice thought, finally having an idea.

[Beatrice]: I see! So you are a member of our camp then!

_“I'm tired of this silly game, I suppose.”_ Beatrice had a smile on her face, and for a moment Subaru thought that she had trusted his word.

[Subaru]: y-yes …sob…

[Beatrice]: Alright, so it’s only fair that I tell you in advance that if there is anything that I hate the most in this world, that thing sure is liars. So answer me this, _Natsuki Subaru_ , why would I, a Great Spirit old enough to see the Witch of Greed, Echidna, in person, ever trust a such a "contract" to someone like **_you_** , I suppose? _Why would Emilia ever trust her well-being to someone like **you**?_ _Why do **you** smell like **that** monster, In fact?_

Beatrice maintained her smile while talking to Subaru, but it was clear that the last three questions were delivered as if they were venomous swords piercing through raw meat. They held such hostility that even the Sword Saint flinched a little, finally noticing that the Spirit was fully prepared to kill the knelling boy.

It was like Subaru’s heart shattered in a million pieces, to never recover again, he didn’t even have the will to speak anymore. Natsuki Subaru finally had wished death, but for the first time in his “life”, it wasn’t to save anyone…

He just wished that he was never born.

He just wished to die.

[Subaru]: I…

…

…

With a hostile smile, Beatrice finally directed herself to the silent Sword Saint.

[Beatrice]: See, _Astrea_? Even _he_ knows that he is doomed, I suppose! What is the point of continuing this silly act for even a second longer?

[Reinhard]: I’m still against killing him Lady Beatrice.

_“He was telling the truth, what is going on here? Was he really attacked by Gluttony? Was he the person that was protecting Emilia in the battle against Greed?”_

[Beatrice]: Well… At the end of the day it was never your choice to begin with, was it?

Beatrice began to rise her hand to chant another spell with the intention of killing the boy once and for all…

The boy didn’t move.

Reinhard readied his hand on his sword, he would have to battle his cherished friend after all…

The forgotten knight didn’t move...

Both knew that their battle would destroy everything around them, including the captive.

**_Subaru didn’t move........._**

****

[Beatrice]: AL SHAM-

[??]: -Woow! Look what do we have here! What are you guys doing, nyan?

A cat-like figure hopped from above a collapsed wall. Beautiful brown hair, yellowish eyes, slit pupils, flickering ears, keen attitude and a beautiful dress were noticed right away.

[Reinhard]: Felix? What are you doing here?!

Sheepishly smiling, the cat-looking knight stroke a cute pose in front of everyone.

[Felix]: Weeell I saw you running away from the headquarters and I decided to follow you, I got worried after nyall! Hehehe aren’t I a good friend Rein?

[Reinhard]: While I appreciate our friendship, I, again, need to ask you to state your purpose while following me.

[Felix]: Rein… Before lady Beatrice left, she was helping me heal the injured… After a couple of minutes I noticed her change in attitude while healing the merchant Otto, when I asked her the reason behind her strange mood she explained to me that a dangerous foe was arriving… That a witch cultist was close to the “HQ”.

_-Lady Beatrice can smell miasma Rein, did you know that?_

[Reinhard]: Yes Felix, I knew.

Felix smile turned a hateful gaze, he glared the black-haired boy with pure hate, nothing more, nothing less, if his pupils were thin slits before, now they were just a line.

[Felix]: He **is** one of them.

[Reinhard]: So what do you want to do with him? Kill him?

_“Please Felix, you need to be patient, don’t lose to rage, I don’t want to fight you too.”_

**Felix’s scorn suddenly turned into a twisted type of happiness…**

[Felix]: Of course not! Ha. _Ha_. **_Ha_**. No one deserves death am I right Reinhard? He needs to be locked up until we have enough proof that he is innocent, right?

_I’m a **healer** , not a murderer…_

[Reinhard]: I guess i'm ok with that decision..

Felix eyes now stared deep into Subaru's ones

[Felix]: What was your name again _good sir?_

[Subaru]: Subaru… Natsuki Subaru. Felix, we are friends… y-you need to believe me...

_Please…_

[Felix]: Oh my! You can rest assured Natsuki Subaru! We _shall_ be great friends, **inseparable** ones!

Felix slowly walked to the knelling man, grabbing both his shoulders…

His smile grew wider…

[Felix]: _I shall have a nice talk to you Every. Single. Day… I’m a good healer after all, do you understand Natsuki Subaru?_

_I_

_Will_

_Take_   
  


_Goooood_

_Care_

_Of you….._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now now...
> 
> How will our cat boi handle the situation? 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Now i humbly ask for patience while i write chapter 4
> 
> Live Strong!  
> -Guitarman out-


	4. "Remembering/The Talk [pt2]"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! It's me again!  
> I hope you all a nice day and a nice reading time!
> 
> If you find any grammar mistake, feel free to point it out in the comment section, i'll be happy to correct it

Darkness...

That was actually all that could be perceived at that time, a complete void, air didn’t exist, so I never breathed, there was no color, so I didn’t need eyes, there was no people to talk to, so I didn’t have a mouth, there was no sound, so I couldn’t possibly have developed ears…

A complete and inescapable dimension where nothing existed at all, and yet I was there, quite ironic huh?

Nothing was ever created and nothing was ever destroyed at that place, and yet, I was there.

No body to live, no mind to think, no conscience to understand, and yet, I was there…

…I suppose at least.

I was always told that my birth went through a lot of complications, Mama said that when she was still “forming” me she didn’t actually know how to give birth to a new being. She was a genius but she never knew how to raise someone, she didn’t think that “feelings” were important in any occasion, so when I was born my body was devoid of feelings… and by that, I mean _any_ sort of feelings, she probably mixed empathy with senses or something like that… I was just another experience after all.

In other words, I was “defective”, although not in the literal way… my body was complete, I was already ready to live, but I was still dead… Well, not dead, but dormant.

Forever trapped on my own body, with little to no knowledge of what “life” meant.

Until energy flowed into my body, or my vessel so to speak.

Then, I opened my eyes.

I was in a pretty large white-stone room, lying in a cold-metallic stretcher, everything around me was strange and confusing, I was something close to a newborn, that, for the first time, had the experience of “living” … Even though I didn’t actually understand what that word meant.

I remember that it was really difficult to breathe, a thick smoke made breathing extremely difficult for anyone residing in that facility… 

There were hundreds of tiny green crystals lying on the ground around me, all of them shattered, making the chore of “walking” a dull and painful thing, but I didn’t actually care, because neither of those things were the first “experience” I had…

When I opened my eyes, I saw stern, yet beautiful, pitch-black pair of eyes…

I saw a beautiful white-haired woman looking at me…

She was my mother, and after months of tests with my dormant body, she was finally able to wake me up. 

I WAS ALIVE!!!

I could see! Yes, I could see!

_-Even though my eyes were clouded with tears._

I was finally able to breathe! 

_-Even though the smoke made breathing reeeally difficult._

Able to hear! 

_-Even though I couldn’t understand any speech pattern._

Finally able to feel!! 

_- **Even though my Mama could not**_ **.**

**[.]**

**[.]**

**[.]**

***Shuffle***

***Shuffle***

[??]: …Aaa-…

[???]: Hm? Oh, hi there little one, how are you doing?

[??]: …Bu-.. Ha..

[???]: What was that? You’ll need to be clear if you want to communicate with other people.

***THUD ***

[??]: Ghk!

In my attempt to escape that weird place, I fell from the metallic stretcher.

_I was afraid of living. I wanted to return to that empty place, where the only thing I needed to do was sleep, I needed to run back to that peaceful darkness, I wanted to survive, being alive meant that death was the only thing that certainly would happen to me. I was uncertain, I didn’t want to die, so I despised my life too._

_I knew I shouldn’t exist, **my body was simply WRONG**._

But then I felt arms around my tiny body…

Embracing me…

Cherishing my sinful existence…

[??]: _A-… AA-…!_

[???]: Shhhh…. It’s okay… you don’t need to be afraid, we’re the only people _alive_ in this room, I’m not going to hurt you. Shhh…

That kind voice, for some reason, brought me peace, thanks to that woman I was able to calm down, and finally cry, just like a newborn kid cries when they experience “breathing” for the first time.

[??]: -Sob- …Aaaa -Sob- …Ga?

[???]: My name is Echidna, I’m the one who gave birth to you my child. After a couple of failed attempts, I found a way to finally bring you “life”, so you can rest for now…

_Your name shall be Beatrice._

_The first Spirit made by a single person’s hands._

_What do you want to do now… Betty? Will you follow me?_

[Betty]: …UA!

[Echidna]: Fufufufu, now that’s more like it. Come with me now, my child, we have pleeeenty of work to do…

And it was at that specific moment, when I gazed upon her direction, that she smiled at me! Her “little experiment” was a success!

I was there _solely_ _for_ her and in exchange she was there _with_ me.

As time went by, that petty existence full of fear and innocence, in other words, ‘me’, matured. 

She taught me _EVERYTHING_ , how to walk, how to speak, how to act, how to live… She was the one that gave me Every. Little. Thing. I had, from my pink dress to my butterfly ribbons, my shoes, my thoughts and even my personality and temperament, so in exchange I made **her dream** my everything, simple as that.

_She wanted to learn about everything that was to learn in the world, and to ‘experience’ with it, just like how she did with me._

Mama gave me life so _she_ was my everything!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[…]

“Betty, where are you? Will you do me a favor and talk to me for a while here in my room?” a kind voice called me from afar, the same voice I heard in my very first day alive, the same voice that I pledged loyalty and love… Echidna was calling me, how would I not answer?

“Sure thing Mommy! Betty is in the kitchen making dinner at the moment, I’m coming right up, I suppose!” Yelling from the kitchen, I made sure to warn her of my whereabouts.

Even though I’ve lived for 5 years at the same house as Mother, I was only able to discover that Mama doesn’t like to eat food in their natural form a couple of weeks ago, and by that I mean ANY type of food… Her body instantly rejects it for some reason, so I decided to help her eat properly by cooking all sorts of healthy food either for lunch or dinner, after all, a healthy body leads to a healthy mind, and I need to support her on her journey to learn about everything that exists in the world.

“It’s all right, you may stop cooking for the moment, I need to talk to you.”

“Ok, I suppose!”

When I arrived at her personal room, she pointed at a chair near the one she was sitting at, clearly asking me to sit down and listen to her for a while… I didn’t really know why she was so eager to talk to me, she usually never spoke to me, only when necessary, like when she needed help with her experiments, so I was rather confused when she decided to speak with me at that time of the day.

[Echidna]: Betty, I called you here because I need to notify you that I’ll be taking a kid I found as an apprentice of mine, I’ve decided to teach him about my work and my studies, the same way I taught you.

[Betty]: And why would you do that Mom, in fact?

[Echidna]: He is rather special, so to speak. I think that if I train him the right way, he’ll probably be able to surpass even my achievements. I’m really curious about his existence, I want to be the person seated in the first row to see what he’ll achieve in the future! I need to be the first person to watch his growth.

[Betty]: Betty doesn’t like him already, I suppose… Hmph!

[Echidna]: Now now, I understand that you might feel jealous, but I didn’t call you here just so you could belittle him, did I? No. I decided to tell you that since **_I’m already going to bring him under my wing_** , it would be better if you became his friend!

Both of you are reeeally lonely kids, so it would be nice if you two learned to trust each other, _maybe in the near future you may support each other in the tasks I may give to you_ …

[Betty]: If Mother decides that I should be his friend, then I’ll comply… But, if I may ask, what is his name?

[Echidna]:He’s called Roswall A. Mathers, **the future best mage in this country.”**

A few months later I made my first female friend! Her name was Ryuzu, she _was_ a really kind person, in fact. Mother told me to be kind to her, so Betty decided that helping her would be the only way to show her Betty’s mercy and benevolence…

…

Then Mother started being hunted down by dangerous foes from all over the land…

Like the ugly clown…

And Ryuzu died.

**So I decided to never make friends again.**

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[...]

****

**** _In that tiny room, two figures were noticeable… While one was a short girl with extravagant hair, the other was a slim woman who looked like a stern mother, crouching down to look at the kid directly in the eyes, as if reproaching her._

****

**** _“I’m trusting you, Betty, with my knowledge. It shall be compiled in books and stored in a library… I’ll be giving both You and Roswall a weaker copy of my Gospel to help with your future decisions. You’ll need to guard the library until the person suited to acquire it comes, then, together with that person, you’ll be liberated from your duties with me. You shall use this GOSPEL and the magic I gifted you with, your GATE CROSSING, to link the library into an isolated place and secure its information.”_

_“B-But we can still fight Mother! I still can be of use, I promise! I can use my energy to buy time for you, you may use my energy to power up the nucleus for the algorithm, I suppose. Please let Betty help you!”_

_“It’s ok Beatrice, your mission is much, much more important than uselessly sacrificing yourself just for the sake of it, I need you alive and healthy, you need to protect my legacy”_

_“B-But if you go now you’ll die! Maybe we can heal Roswall and fight back, in fact! W-Who knows, maybe we can even win!”_

_“Beatrice… Even I can see that you actually don’t believe the things you’re saying at the moment… We both know Roswall’s gate is damaged, and he is using every bit of strength he has just to stay alive, we can’t send him to his death in vain…”_

_“I-I…. I-”_

_“Betty, do you remember the day you were born…?”_

_“…”_

_“Even though you didn’t know what life was, you still fought to survive…”_

_“…”_

_“Because of my arrogance, I made you stay dormant for weeks, and even then, when you opened your eyes, you found peace in me… You trusted me…”_

_“I…”_

_“Do you trust your mother now… **Beako?** ”_

_“Mother, I…”_

_“Even though you’re an artificial Spirit, you still have emotions, don’t you?”_

_“That’s-”_

_“When you feel happy, you’ll get the urge to laugh…_

_When you feel angry with someone, you’ll have the need to set your score with them…_

_If you ever feel sad, you’ll cry, just like anybody else…_

_If you ever love someone, just like you loved Ryuzu, you’ll try to protect them.”_

_“STOP, I SUPPOSE!”_

_“…”_

_“BETTY WANTS TO PROTECT MOTHER RIGHT NOW, I SUPPOSE! -sob- WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT! -sob-”_

Her dam broke.

Tears started to flow from her eyes in a constant flux that clearly showed her discomfort and sadness towards her Mother’s decision to abandon her after all of the things they have been through…

The little girl forced her eyes shut, trying to convince the blank-faced woman to allow her to fight alongside her mother with all her might, screaming and weeping just like a little kid, releasing all of her suppressed feelings that she’d stockpiled until now.

_“…”_

_“ALL YOU DO IS DUMP YOUR DUMB MISSIONS ON BETTY, I SUPPOSE! -sob- WHY DON’T YOU EVER ASK WHAT BETTY WANTS, IN FACT!! -sob- WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT BETTY VALUES **YOU** MORE THAN THOSE STUPID BOOKS!! -sob-”_

_“…”_

_“-sob- …. -sob- ….”_

_“Beatrice… Did you know that when I created you, I classified you as a failed experiment…?”_

Beatrice widened her eyes at the information that Echidna just had thrown at the conversation. With both hands grasping her pink and muddied dress right above her own chest, Beatrice tried to keep her heart from falling apart in front of the Witch of Greed… Of course, failing in the process.

So, instead of shouting back to the person insulting her, instead of fighting her and show that she wasn’t a failure, that she was, in reality, really strong, she just closed her mouth, and silently cried… Thinking about a peaceful life that she would never have, thinking about **_her own_ **dream…

To live happily with her Mother…

_And to make her smile._

_“When you tried to flee, you showed me that you actually had feelings… At that time, I wouldn’t possibly accept that kind of result… I wasn’t creating a whiny kid to take care of, I was simply creating a powerful spirit to help me fight.”_

The Woman’s eyes that normally didn’t show any type of feeling, were tinged in sadness… She never showed feelings towards anyone, not even when she was being attacked by her enemies. They were forever frozen in a blank state, as if reality didn’t matter for her.

And yet, remembering of the Spirit’s past, she felt sadness…

_“Beatrice, ever since I was born, I never felt emotions… It was the only subject of my studies that I was never able to truly understand. I always knew that everyone around me could experience them, and while they were busy with their own happiness, with their own resolve and with their own love, I was stuck._

_**I was alone.**_

_While the world literally happened around me, I was stagnated. So ‘feelings’ became garbage for me, I discarded them, just like thrash… If I wasn’t able to feel ‘emotions’, then why would I ever to rely on them to grow up?”_

_“…”_

_“I felt like ‘emotions’ were just a primitive asset, so, when you showed me that you had them, and I didn’t, I labelled you as a failure._

_But for some reason I kept you close to me, living and eating by my side…”_

_“Mother p-please… -sob-”_

_“Fufufufu, I think I understand what happened now… Quite a funny reason if I do say so myself.”_

_“-sob- Mother we just need to flee, I suppose!”_

_“…From the moment you were born, you possessed something that I would never get, you possessed something that even a genius like me could not comprehend…_

****

_You were already better than me, from the moment you opened your eyes…_

****

**_Beatrice, I only decided to let you live near me because I was proud of you.”_ **

****

**** _“This isn’t true! You’re lying!”_

_“Beatrice, I’m not dumping a silly mission on you to make you stay out of my life…”_

_“MOTHER PLEASE!”_

_“Beatrice, I need you to survive, I **want** you to survive… Sending you to the library is the only way to keep you safe.”_

_“B-But then Mama is… If I’m not with Mama, h-how is s-she going to fight hi-”_

_“Fufufufu… I’m not as hopeless as you think I am. I would say I have a 50% chance of winning, and with proper planning, I might even be able to increase that rate!”_

Echidna clenched her fists and brought them to her face in a silly way as if mimicking a boxing stance throwing light punches in the air, trying to ease the tension her daughter was in.

_“C-Can Betty trust your word, I suppose…?”_

_“I don’t know, you tell me, can you trust the word of a Witch?”_

_“… Yes. And I always will, because you’re not just a simple witch… You are Echidna, the one and only…”_

_“…”_

_“…-sob- and my mother, I suppose.”_

The little girl basically throwed herself towards the white-haired woman, they embraced each other for a couple of minutes, in complete silence, just sharing the long-needed warmth that both sought since their birth…

_“I love you Mother, I’ll be waiting for your return, in fact.”_

_“…You’ll be waiting for **‘that person’** to come, not me, remember?”_

_“But who exactly is ‘that person’ Mother, in fact?”_

_“Do not worry, you’ll surely know. When you see him you’ll understand that he is the chosen one, so remember this Betty:_

_I would only trust such an important task to my dear child. Doesn’t it make logical sense? Now promise me to guard the library, at least until he comes.”_

_“Ok, if you are saying that you only trust Betty with this mission, I’ll not disappoint you, I suppose.”_

Echidna slowly approached the little spirit and pecked her right cheek, making her flush with embarrassment.

_“Thank you… See you later Beatrice.”_

_“Bye… Mommy”_

***Click***

_*TIP... Tip... tip... ti... t...*_

The far sound of a door closing and the fading sounds of steps signaled the departure of the little girl, she finally left the tiny room to fulfill her important mission, that was simply to **survive** , leaving the Greedy Witch ultimately alone with her thoughts…

_“A Fifty/Fifty chance of winning. Even better chances with a proper plan huh…”_

**Echidna cried.**

_“-sniff- Hahaha… Geez, when did I learn to lie like that, better yet, I bet I said all of that with a straight face…”_

Getting up from her simple wooden chair, Echidna silently walked to the near window to look at the beautiful night that, at that time, only served to deteriorate her already bad mood…

_“Well… At least this time the stars are offering me a beautiful view… I guess this will be the last time I see them, better enjoy it while I’m still here”_

[…]

_“Stars are truly unreachable objects huh?_

_…_

_’Echidna’, the name of a moon that follows ‘Typhon’ around through the sparkling night sky._

_…I wonder if that was your intention, Mother. Well, if it was, you got it all wrong, that’s supposed to be Sekhmet. Fufufufu.”_

While admiring the tiny white dots in the sky, Echidna kept going with her unimportant speech, musing thoughts and talking to herself, alone in that tiny and dark little room.

_“Oh my sweet Beatrice, I’ve already thought about the idea of bringing you to battle with me… B-But I wasn’t able to ask you to, I couldn’t resist looking into your future, I peeked, I was so worried that I broke my own rule to not use the original Gospel…”_

Echidna brought her hand to her head, completely covering her eyes from reality’s beauty, gritting her teeth while still forcing her mind through all of the painful thinking…

**_“-And It was written in there that you were going to die with me on the battlefield… I didn’t want to be the one responsible for your death -sob-….”_ **

****

[…]

****

Echidna, after all those years working alone, after all those years devoid of happiness and love, felt a surge of completely strange feelings around her chest…

It was rather good, even though it hurt a lot, like a burning sensation that refused to vanish from her body. She felt, for the first time in her life, the warmth of love, directed towards a little twin-tailed blonde spirit, and sadness, for she was never going to see her again.

So, she did the only thing left she was able to do in this world as a sinful person.

She joined both hands, and under the sparkling night sky she did the unthinkable:

_The Witch of Greed prayed for one person’s soul…_

_The final act of the greediest person alive: thinking about someone else._

_And repenting for everything she had done up until that point._

****

_“-sob- Please… If there is a god up there, hear me out just for this moment, I ask you for the chance to modify an already written future…_

_Give me the strength to change HER future…_

_My little daughter was able to achieve what nobody else did -sob-… She managed to change a despicable witch, she changed ME, so please, please, let her live -sob-, let her have the chance to live a happy life, something that I wasn’t able to give her…_

_…_

_Beatrice, I’m sorry but I had to lie to you, if I didn’t, you would just disobey my orders and die alone in a battlefield far away from anyone that cares about you, without knowing what love feels like. The Gospel I gave you is a little bit different from Roswall’s, I made yours blank, I don’t want you to be in Fate’s hands, being its little toy… Just like I was…_

_Your gospel is just a simple book. I want YOU to write your own story, your own future… I want you to have a vivid and happy life… I wasn’t able to provide you the warmth you needed so much, I’ve failed you, but I’m sure that whoever reaches your heart will be able to give you the love you truly deserve._

_You’re free to choose anyone you like, anyone that makes you happy, that makes you feel cherished…_

_…._

_And I promise that if you choose that black-haired boy, you’ll live the most incredible life possible…”_

That woman looked at her daughter’s figure while she walked away, shrinking at each and every step she took towards the horizon, already too far to hear any words her mother directed to her, finally becoming an independent person…

She was getting too far from her…

Her figure was becoming smaller…

And smaller….

And smaller….

…Until her body completely vanished from her viewpoint, leaving only regrets behind.

_“Stay always healthy my child…_

_It was you who taught me that having a healthy body leads to a healthy mind, so be careful while eating sweets… They can make you develop caries._

_Also, do a lot of exercises in the morning, they will make your body grow really strong and beautiful, unlike mine…_

_Also, be careful towards man, you’re a maiden after all, so always be on your guard when you talk to them…_

_Please, make a lot of friends, they will help you overcome any challenge you face, they will make you feel truly loved… Like I felt when you decided to love me…”_

The sun was already rising when the wicked Witch decided to finally get away from the window, time didn’t stop or _reversed_ after all, soon she would need to engage into battle, and that surely would be the last time she would be able to feel anything at all.

_“-sob- Oh my little Beatrice, I still had sooo much to teach you, so much to show you…._

_…_

_I never gave you a birthday gift before, did I? I guess the library shall be my first and final gift to you my sweet daughter._

_By giving you the library, you shall stay alive and healthy…_

_By giving you a place to stay after I’m gone, you’ll be able grow just like any other kid…_

_Strong…_

_And happy._

_My Father once told me that my name derives from a little moon that is always travelling in the vast night sky, I guess I’ll trust him, only for this time…_

_I’ll be looking at you from up there my daughter…_

_Following each of your steps, protecting you, so you can rest assured, you’ll never be alone._

_…_

_oh, I almost forgot_

_I love you from the bottom of my heart…_

_And I always will…_

_Farewell, **Beako.** ”_

[...]

Those were the last words Echidna directed to the little spirit, before leaving everything behind, to never come back again.

Since then, the contract, that was cherished before as a token of appreciation from her creator, now acted as a sort of a curse to the little spirit, binding her to an eternity of sadness and loneliness…

Hours became days, that became weeks.

 _Then weeks started to pile up, forming months, and years,_ _and decades, **and centuries.**_

**_Beatrice was fated to be alone, for all eternity…_**

It has been a long time that the girl saw someone, it usually was just dust and books around her all the time. In the beginning she used to read those books “just” to pass the time, even though the lonely spirit knew that she wasn’t supposed to do that, after all, **_reading was not included in the contract._**

\--Year one--

[‘Plants and effects’]

“Hmph! I’ll only read this book, I suppose… He might want help while studying this topic, so maybe if I learn it beforehand, I’ll be able to directly help him if he needs guiding on how to correctly brew some kinds of potions and medicine, it will be sooo fun, I suppose. Betty will be his private teacher, in fact Fufufufufu.”

\--5 years—

[‘The idea and affinity of magic’]

“Ooooh, so that’s how affinity actually works, I suppose! Hmm, Mommy always taught me about using only Yin magic. Apparently, I’m supposed to be a Yin spirit, but according to this book, once in a while people are born with more than one magic type affinity, one more developed than the other, I wonder if I’m able to use any other magic type spell…

It would be truly wonderful if I had water magic affinity too, in fact… I would be able to heal him every time he gets injured, it would make me really valuable to him, he would be by my side all the time…

Hmph, Betty might even give him the privilege of being Betty’s companion, I suppose!

\--10 years--

[‘The power of words’]

“Mommy was so kind to write books about how to create spells Fufufufu, I wonder if I should create awesome and shiny spells to make his jaw drop in amazement, I suppose.

Let’s see, a spell for _that person_ to play with me when we get outside… ‘Mu-Rak’, I suppose.

He is taking sooo long to come here… He will need to play with me for the same amount of time just to compensate, in fact! -Fufufu- Just imagine his face when we see the whooole world together from above the ground!”

\--70 years--

[‘Soul maintenance’]

“Let’s see… Passing one’s Od to their baby to guarantee immortality is certainly not something that a nice person would do, I suppose. Surely he wouldn’t do that… But maybe I can find a way to preserve his Od to prolong his life for a few more years…

It has been 70 years already, I think that he might be getting near the end of his lifespan, In fact… Or is he from the elven clan?

I hope that he finds Betty soon, I’ve been by myself for so long now… 

Did he get lost, I suppose?

Will you arrive soon?

Betty might want you to be by Betty’s side for at least a couple of years, I suppose…

Did you forget Betty, in fact?”

\--100 years—

[‘Happiness’]

“Mother really didn’t know how to experience emotions after all, she even wrote this book about the specific sensation of happiness, I suppose…

I wonder if she experienced happiness for at least one time in her life.

I wonder if she even loved me… Say Mommy, why does Betty’s book always show her blank pages? Don’t I have a future anymore?”

\--150 years—

[‘Fatigue’]

“I believe that sitting on a chair for eternity is not something a maiden like me should do.

Should I leave the mansion for a while and have a nice walk outside? A lot of stuff might have happened on the world, and I couldn’t see any of them…”

\--200 years—

[‘Anxiousness and Euphoria’]

“Every time that door opens, I’m reminded of how lonely I really am, the damn door always shows me how the old Roswall grew up and had kids of his own, his offspring always show me how he moved on and continued with his life, while I’m still stuck here…

Well, the old Roswall, the one that was my friend, passed away long ago, but I still need to protect the library, so I need stay here, all alone until **_he_** comes…”

\--250 years—

[‘Melancholy’]

“Why I’m I still alive?

My book is blank, it’s already clear that I don’t have a future anymore, why don’t anyone come kill me already…”

\--300 years—

[‘Sadness’]

“I want to die”

\--370 years—

[‘Resolution’]

_“I want to die…”_

And the Spirit kept living her life, re-reading the books that she already knew the contents of, for the hundredth time, over, and over, and over again.

Waiting for someone that, in reality, didn’t even exist.

And she already knew that the person she was supposed to wait for was never going to come save her.

_Then Natsuki Subaru happened…_

_And with a wide smile, he remembered her that living a happy life was worth it._

_He remembered her that loving someone and being loved by them is the most amazing experience that an individual is able to go through._

_Natsuki Subaru presented vibrant new colors for the little Spirit to paint over the grey and sad world she lived in…_

**_Natsuki Subaru saved her._ **

△ ▼ △ ▼ △ ▼ △ 

[.]

[.]

[.]

[Beatrice]: _W-when I smelled him…_

…

The room was strangely quiet after Beatrice stopped talking.

They all knew what the depressed spirit was implying by mentioning her contractor’s scent.

“The Witch’s scent.”

Rem stopped crying.

All of the participants in that damned reunion were silently watching a certain maid… Her eyes once vivid and happy were disturbingly blank, she was unsettling quiet, _and that vision sent a chill down their spine_. While the Great Spirit just cried alone, Ram, Emilia and even Felix were on edge, expecting Rem to attack the child spirit.

They were on edge because they were certain that the blue maid was going to attack the one whom Subaru apparently relied the most, the one that made Subaru _suffer_ the most. **Rem was going to punish Beatrice for what she had done**.

They were on edge because they knew that Beatrice, in the worst-case scenario, drowning in all her guilt, wouldn’t lift a finger to protect herself, so they would need to intervene and stop Rem from killing her.

Beatrice was silently crying, thinking about all the memories where she was together with Subaru, her contractor…. Her friend…

She wept and wept, but for some reason, not from sadness… No, she was relieved.

[Beatrice]: _“Well, it’s only fair for me to suffer from a person that I labeled as a friend, I suppose… Subaru went through the same didn’t he…?_

_Was I the one who turned you into an empty husk Subaru?_

_…_

_Say Subaru, if I die here… Thinking about you…_

_Will you be able to forgive me?_

_…_

_Hahaha… Who am I kidding, I’m already destined for hell anyways, why would ‘forgiveness’ matter now, in fact?”_

[Rem]: I see… It’s ok, you don’t even need to keep talking anymore.

The blue-haired maid slowly approached the weeping twin-tailed Spirit.

[Felix]: _“…Oh crap”_

[Ram]: _“Sister, please…”_

[Emilia]: _“It wasn’t her fault Rem… why can’t you understand that?”_

While Beatrice had her eyes closed, trying to understand her inner turmoil of thoughts, trying to comprehend her own emotions on the matter, Rem just walked closer to her, and raised her right hand, right above the Spirit’s head to deliver a proper punishment for a sinner that so desperately searched for judgement.

[Ram]: _“Dammit!”_

[Emilia]: _“Ice brand Arts…”_

[Rem]: ...El Huma

Several Ice stakes formed around Beatrice, ready to pierce her body to death.

While Rem focused only at the little spirit, both Emilia and Ram stood up from their respective wooden chairs, starting to chant their own spells, aiming at the multiple ice stakes to destroy them, they did not want fight their friend, the only thing they could think about now was to stop the once kind maid from killing someone dear to everyone present in the room including herself.

Emilia and Ram needed to destroy Rem’s magic before she decided to really use them against lady Beatrice.

They needed to prevent Rem from letting her own anger take over and choose ‘revenge’ over ‘justice’. The killing of Beatrice wouldn’t save Subaru from himself at the moment, he was already a crazy and debilitated man, he was already just a shell of his former self…

_Revenge would achieve nothing. Only future regrets._

[Emilia]: Rem, stop now!! Undo your magic right this instant!

[Rem]: AND THEN WHAT? TELL ME, I’LL UNDO MY MAGIC AND THEN WHAT?

[Ram]: Calm down Sister!

[Rem]: WHY SHOULD I?! SHE IS THE ONE THAT BROKE HIM!!!

Rem screamed her lungs out, trying to expel as much sadness from her body as possible.

Seeing that sorrowful scene, her sister, Ram, tried as hard as she could to maintain her own tears from spilling out while maintaining a stern facade… She certainly didn’t want to see her sister hurting so much like that now that she remembered her, and definitely had as much guilt in her heart as Beatrice at this moment. She needed to bring her little sister back to her senses, back to reason.

[Ram]: Then after you finish murdering Beatrice, be sure to properly kill everyone in this room, because everyone here shares the same amount of guilt towards the matter…

[Rem]: …

[Ram]: And then you’ll need to kill Reinhard, Julius, Crusch, Anastasia, and every single person that knew him, including all the people living at the village that Subaru saved from the archbishop of sloth… Is this what you really want to do?

Because if it is… Then I’ll be sure to not move a single finger to hurt you. After all, I, just like everyone here, abandoned Subaru.

[Rem]: …

[Ram]: Say Rem, are you going to kill your older sister?

The blue-haired maid managed to calm her nerves down and stop trying to take revenge against everyone that her hero once cherished… She simply couldn’t throw every little thing he tried so hard to achieve in the garbage can, she would be doing something worse than any of them, she would just be hurting Subaru again, even if he was a debilitated man now, his doings helped the whole world.

Subaru managed to fulfill his promise to Rem.

He truly became the most amazing hero of Lugnica, doing things that even Reinhard wasn’t able to do.

_How could she destroy everything he worked so hard to get?_

But "managing to calm down" didn’t mean that she wasn’t still really angry… And sad.

[Rem]: ...Sis, do you remember the day Roswall decided to make us work for him as maids?

[Ram]: Yes…? What does that have to do with-

She balled her shaking hands into fists, looking at the ground with wavering eyes, remembering their hellish childhood.

[Rem]: As time went by, while I pushed myself as hard as I could to replace you, learning everything I was able to with Frederica-nee-sama, trying to be a good little sister, you fell in love with Roswall, didn’t you?

[Ram]: Rem I-

[Rem]: And even though I felt like I was going to be abandoned some time or another, I still worked as hard as possible to make you feel proud of me, to show you I was capable of doing at least the bear minimum around the mansion… And even though I didn’t like your relationship with him, I still trusted your decision, you were my sister after all…

…. 

Roswall attacked you, didn’t he? He tried to kill everyone I love…

….

So why is Roswall still perfectly fine while Subaru is suffering - _sob_ -?

[Ram]: Rem…

[Rem]: Say Sister, why does the person I love need to suffer so much? Why does he need to be sad and fear us while Roswall can still smile to you?

[Emilia]: That’s not it Rem!

[Rem]: _-sob-_ Why is sister allowed to love an assassin while I can’t love MY hero?! Ram, is it my fault? Is Subaru suffering like that because of me? Because I fought Gluttony Subaru forced himself to save someone awful like me! Because I loved him, he felt the need to love me back, to cherish my petty existence!!

[Ram]: REM STOP!! You're not making any sense! The things you're saying doesn't make sense!

[Rem] Yes it does! You know it does!! Because I was born Subaru had to suffer... YOU had to suffer. It was because of me that you lost your horn!!

Rem’s words pierced through her sister’s heart, Ram had no idea that Subaru’s suffering would make her harness such self-hatred… She realized that herself, too, was responsible for making her sister suffer so much, making her feel truly miserable.

[Felix]: Rem… I believe we should just calm down a li-

***knock* *knock***

A light knock at the door could be heard, someone was outside of the room, wishing to enter and speak with everyone inside.

[??]: …I’m sorry for the interruption, may I come in?

[Felix]: … _sigh._ Well, I guess it was about time you showed up…

The door slowly opened up to show the reunion’s participants a familiar figure that they haven’t seen for a long time:

A strong and stern man stepped into the well-decorated room. While his white hair and wrinkled face clearly displayed his old age, his multiple scars just served to show his long experience on battles around his years as a fierce knight. The man wore a black and blue uniform together with a perfectly fit bowtie, just like a humble butler.

And his eyes, that before showed immense courage and braveness as a warrior, were stuck in a sad display, it was like he regretted showing up to them, he was guilty of something…

And of course, _everyone knew the reason behind his odd countenance._

He arrived holding a big folder in his hands, handing them over to Felix, the person who was supposed to be dealing with the problematic... 

Ram noticed that while he walked past the half-elf, she peeked at the folder’s name, and shortly after she fell on her chair, her legs just couldn’t stop shaking, her body began to tremble so much she couldn’t stand up.

[Emilia]: N-N-No... I-Is this why h-he…

_[Ram]: “Why is Emilia so afraid? Is it because of the folder…?”_

[Felix]: …Thanks Wilhelm. Rem, may you sit down for a moment?

[Rem]: _…Why?_

Glaring daggers onto the cat-boy, the weeping maid questioned about Felix’s decision to continue their talk, since it was clear that no one wanted to be there anymore.

At that moment Rem just wanted to be together with her beloved, seeing with her own eyes her failure as Subaru's close friend, seeing from close distance what her inability to protect the one she loved caused him.

[Felix]: Because you asked me about the reason behind Subaru’s suffering.

[Rem]: …

_He handed over the file to Rem, and she didn’t even need to open it up to understand what truly happened to him… Reading the file’s name was enough._

[ PROCEDURE’S RECORDS ]

SUBJECT 05: NATSUKI SUBARU (AFFILIATION WITH THE WITCH CULT)

_ THREAT DEALT THROUGH THE USE OF TORTURE. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, a double lenght chapter for you all to enjoy.
> 
> Now, on a more serious matter, i've decided to not come up with a schedule for chapter updates... While writing this specific chapter i noticed that i don't really have much time to maintain a proper update routine...  
> Apologies for that.  
> Again, I do not intend to abandon this project at all, it's just that updates will be kinda slow...
> 
> I'll ask for patience while i write the next chapter.
> 
> Live Strong!  
> -GuitarMan out-


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